Last week marked nine months since Jim’s death. Nine months is significant. Nine months is three-quarters of a year and a milestone for me in this journey of grief.
Some of you are thinking what’s the big deal about nine months? Isn’t a year a more reasonable marker? Why is she designating nine months as significant?
I’m not sure I can fully answer those questions. All I know is nine months feels important to me.
Milestones
I planned to write about milestones last week, but Hurricane Helene blew in and changed the direction of my focus. Yet, somehow, it is fitting that a weather event full of rain and wind and swirl came at the nine-month point, placing a giant marker of remembrance.
The Old Testament documents stories of those who erected a stone monument where they felt God acted on their behalf or spoke to them in a specific way. Jacob erected a pillar of stones at a place where God spoke to him and named the place “Bethel.”
Samuel set up a stone monument and named it “Ebenezer,” saying, “Thus far, the Lord has helped us.” I’m claiming that “Ebenezer” for myself, because thus far, in these nine months, the Lord has helped me. I fully expect God to continue to help me, because, historically, He has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.
Nine Months of Adjustments
Adjustments are inherent in any life change, but the death of a spouse brings about multiple transitions. I had to learn to think in terms of “I” instead of “we.” I experienced going places alone, sitting in a restaurant by myself, and all the awkwardness that goes with being alone after 43 years of marriage. I’m adjusting to a very quiet house and checking the “widowed” box on forms. Adjusting to new circumstances is a process, one most of us don’t relish.
Nine Months of Missing
Several people have asked me what I miss most related to Jim’s absence. The answer changes almost daily. I miss his physical presence, being able to talk to him, hearing his voice, listening for him whistling, and seeing his car pull in the driveway. I miss reminiscing about our shared history, mentioning inside jokes, using words our children mispronounced when they were learning to talk, and saying what the other is thinking. Sometimes the missing is so great it feels like a heavy weight on my chest; other times, missing is a dull ache.
Nine Months of Emotional Ups and Downs
Those who follow my blog regularly have read the chronicles of my emotions during these months of loss. Grief is an up and down, sideways, forwards and backwards journey. The progression of grief moves forward, halts, goes sideways, and then backwards and forward again. Every grief journey is different, the time frame as circuitous and winding as a country road. It would be nice if grief were a straight path, a route easily traversed, but it isn’t.
Nine Months of God’s Grace and Comfort
When I think about the last nine months, I see God’s footprints beside each step I’ve taken, and his sustaining, guiding, comforting hand leading me in forward motion.
When I look back over my life, I see a collection of milestone markers scattered through the years and I know God will continue to place those markers in my future as evidence of his love and faithfulness.
What milestone markers do you see in your life?
“Samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer (which means “the stone of help”), for he said, “Up to this point the Lord has helped us! (1 Samuel 7:12 NLT).”
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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2 Comments
Grief has no time limit. I’m thankful God is with us in our grief. He holds us in His loving arms. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you!