Having completed the first year of widowhood, it seems like I should feel lighter and eager for the next step in my journey. Instead, I think I turned a corner and hit a brick wall. The remaining tasks on my to-do list loom, large and insurmountable. I should be brimming with thoughts and plans that spur forward motion, yet I can’t seem to gain the energy to move ahead.
What is the year like, so far, for you? Did you make big plans that are still swirling in your head or consigned to a list that is now buried under piles of more urgent things that scream for your attention?
Perhaps I shouldn’t give advice since I am struggling myself, but here are some thoughts on how to approach what’s next:
Eat the Elephant One Bite at a Time
Sometimes we become so overwhelmed with how to tackle next steps we can’t define a process or figure out where to start. In the last fifteen years, I cleaned out three houses for others and now I’m working on my own. There are days when I want to give up. Processing your own possessions, or those of a spouse, is an emotional, daunting task.
For me, one of the crucial steps is sorting. You can’t know what to keep, throw away, give away, or donate if you don’t know what you have. Sorting may not be as big of a task as eating an elephant, but it is definitely an essential part of forward motion.
Another aspect of moving forward with a big project is to realize you may have to make a bigger mess before you can make progress. That is hard for me. I like things to be organized. Jim’s idea of organization was different from mine, so shifting everything to my method is hard and time-consuming. Yet I know, eventually, I will see light at the end of the tunnel.
Wait Patiently
Now here’s the hard part: waiting patiently for God to show you what’s next and how to accomplish it. I’ve learned a lot about patience in my years on this planet, but I honestly can’t say I’ve fully mastered the concept. Most of us like life to move in an orderly progression, but God’s plans rarely fit into our time frame.
Often, I feel like I have to “make” something happen because I’ve waited long enough. That attitude rarely works out well. Instead, wait for God’s plan to unfold, and then, follow His lead.
Be Kind to Yourself
I still have days when I don’t feel like doing anything. I still feel the deep pit of Jim’s absence. I still wake each morning to a chill on his side of the bed.
On the days I can’t motivate myself, I’m frustrated, chiding myself for wasting the day. Then, I remember grief isn’t over, it’s just moved into a different phase.
Even if you aren’t dealing with grief, be kind to yourself when you don’t know what to do now, or what’s next. Perhaps God has you sidelined in a season of waiting on purpose. Waiting a little longer is okay. Just make sure you don’t delay indefinitely. Once God gives you a go-ahead, act.
Remain Focused Spiritually
For as long as I can remember, I’ve known the importance of keeping a strong spiritual focus. I’m grateful for parents and grandparents who modeled that for me.
Sometimes, when we don’t know what to do next, we forget listening for God’s voice and tapping into his wisdom is our best step forward. He knows the full plan for our lives. He’s mapped out our path and knows how long the journey will last. Sometimes, He places us in a holding pattern, but He never forgets us and leaves us there indefinitely. So, keep a spiritual focus, trust, and believe God will show you “the how” and “the when” of what now and what’s next.
“Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk. Lead me; teach me; for you are the God who gives me salvation. I have no hope except in you” (Psalm 25:4-5 TLB).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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