In these months since Jim’s death, I’ve come to view grief as a thief. I know grief is a necessary part of moving beyond loss, but without placing boundaries on grief, it runs rampant, unbridled and all-consuming.
Following are reflections on the thievery of grief:
Regret
Everyone has regrets in grief. Less than an hour after I found Jim, I regretted leaving the house for 45 minutes. My errand really wasn’t that urgent. What if I had stayed home? Could I have done something to save him from death?
As I reflect on that day, I believe God had me away from home on purpose, so I wouldn’t feel responsible for not doing enough to prevent Jim’s death. Regret, like grief, is a thief. Regret robs you of peace and causes you to focus backwards on what-ifs instead of forward motion.
Regression
Another of grief’s robbers is isolation, regressing into memories and avoiding the present. Memories are comforting. Just make sure you don’t become so absorbed you fail to live in the here and now.
At times, isolation is easier. You don’t have to face questions, and those who avoid you because they don’t know what to say. Staying out of public view feels safer, but don’t isolate yourself too long. With God’s help, you will grow accustomed to navigating your new normal and move forward.
Recognition
Early in our marriage, our house was robbed. I came home from work to find glass on the floor, curtains blowing in the breeze, and a ransacked house. I’ll always remember the feeling of violation as I took mental inventory of missing items and general destruction of personal property.
Thieves always have malicious intent. Their aim is to take, not give. Thieves deprive and destroy peace. If you allow it, grief does the same, robbing you of hope and annihilating peace.
While grief is a necessary process, keep in mind it also has the power to embed a negative mindset that leads to anger and resentment. Recognize the thief, Satan, who wants grief to rob you of God’s power and presence.
Above the commotion of grief, the thief, recognize God’s voice. Learn to hear God when grief threatens to drown his still small voice. Realize a way forward is possible with his guiding hand leading you.
Restore Joy
On Sunday, I accepted an invitation to have lunch with friends. I could have allowed grief to make me decline or overwhelm me when I looked on the guys’ side of the table at the vacant space across from me. Instead, I said yes and enjoyed every moment of the togetherness.
Another source of maintaining joy is family. My grandchildren provide tremendous joy. I love being with them, listening to them, and watching them learn and grow. While grief may lurk in the shadows, joy is possible, fresh and welcomed with each new day.
“The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy; I [Jesus] came to give life with joy and abundance” (John 10:10 VOICE).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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