Years ago, when my mother was alive and still living in my childhood home, the swimming pool stayed covered one summer while she was in and out of the hospital. The next year, I knew it needed to be uncovered. I expected it to be a mess, and it was. As I struggled to remove the cover from one end of the pool, my foot slipped, and I fell in with my clothes on.
The water was green and awful, so I worked hard to get out as fast as I could. However, I was wearing jeans, which became dead weight as I attempted an exit. It took several tries to hoist myself out of the water. I sat on the deck exhausted and chilled by the spring air.
Grief is a strange companion, one that clings to you like wet clothing from a stagnant pool and leaves you exhausted. Even when you attempt to shake off grief, it wraps its tendrils around you until it feels as if it is part of you. Grief sends you spiraling backwards just when you think you have resumed forward motion. Grief robs you of your appetite, causes you to stare into nothingness, and shackles you to endless memories. But there is hope. Grief doesn’t define you indefinitely.
Following are reflections on the clinginess of grief and learning to live with it:
Acknowledge the Wistful Feeling
Grief doesn’t diminish in the time frame for which you hope. Along with grief comes a feeling of wistfulness, a yearning for what once was, enhanced with a hint of melancholy. You ride the undulating waves of grief as they roll in and then recede. Do what you can to stay afloat, despite a strong undertow that threatens to pull you down. Eventually, you reach shore.
Accept this Life Season
One of the hardest parts of widowhood is watching other couples and longing for the presence of the one who is no longer with you. It’s hard to squelch envy, but avoid feeling sorry for yourself.
God knew long ago you would be in this season of grief, and He prepared you in ways you don’t realize. Now, He will sustain you as you journey through it.
Look for Beauty and Find Joy
Earlier this week, as I entered my subdivision, I gasped at the riot of colors that greeted me: emerald green highlighted by pale green, emerging buds in soft hues of pink, the stunning “showoffiness” of a tulip tree, all against the backdrop of brilliant, blue sky. The abundant beauty brought me joy and reminded me of God’s goodness and faithfulness.
Grief is the enemy of joy and the paralyzer of forward motion. Don’t allow grief to rob you of either.
Redefine Yourself
When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for many years, it takes time to figure out who you are without that person. Part of the grief process involves redefining how you view yourself.
As you adjust, define the new you, and navigate a path forward, don’t leave God out of the process. God knows you better than you know yourself and He clings more closely than grief or wet clothing. Trust Him.
“Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God” (Psalm 42:11 MSG).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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