What has 2024 been like for you thus far? Are you energized, determined, and happy, or has the first week of the year brought medical issues, sudden loss, and grief? My reality is the second part of the list.
On January 3, 2024, I came home from a short errand to find my husband dead at the top of the back stairs. He had been to the gym that morning. We had breakfast together. We talked before I left. When I returned the house was quiet. I thought Jim was upstairs in the bonus room. I made a cup of hot tea and went up the front stairs to join a 2:00 pm Zoom meeting. As I reached the top of the stairs, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. The hall was dark. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized Jim was on the floor.
“Baby, are you okay?”
No response.
As I knelt beside Jim, I knew all was not well. No familiar rise and fall of his chest. Icy hands. And his beautiful blue eyes set and unseeing.
“Did you leave me?” I whispered, shaking him gently. And of course, the silence was a resounding “yes.” My sweet man, my husband of 43 years, suddenly flew to Jesus. Jim’s transition to eternity came easily, in a flash. However, reality for those of us still on earth is hard.
Perhaps you, too, are dealing with a hard reality at the beginning of this year.
Here are some insights I can share in my first days of widowhood:
Cherish Every Moment
In recent months, God stirred my spirit with the words “cherish every moment.” I took that admonishment to heart. A Waffle House breakfast. A quiet evening together. Holding hands in bed early in the morning before we spoke. Time with family. I drank in every moment like sweet nectar and savored it.
Cherish moments now. Let little frustrations and irritations slide. Revel in the company of loved ones and give thanks.
Appreciate Support
Enjoy, appreciate, and be thankful for those who come along beside you to lend support. Whether you are dealing with illness, death, or another life crisis, let people “do” for you. Graciously accept gifts of love and service.
Sometimes people don’t know what to do and make statements that seem inappropriate. Overlook their awkwardness and extent grace.
Give Yourself Time to Adjust
One of the hardest parts of being a member of “the sudden exit club” is accepting your new normal. I still expect to walk downstairs and see Jim at the kitchen table or napping in the recliner. When I wake up with my hand on his side of the bed and there is no warmth, my eyes leak.
Adjustment takes time, and each person’s journey of grief is different. Avoid putting a timeline on yourself. When emotions are raw, don’t squelch them. When joy bubbles inside, enjoy without guilt. Give yourself all the time and space you need to adjust and move forward.
Lean on the Everlasting Arms
Eternal God is sustaining me during these days. He has given me peace that is like no peace the world provides. God’s loving compassion surrounds me and his strength supports me.
When your life storms come, lean hard on God’s everlasting arms, trusting that His plan for you, and those you love, is for your good, their good, and His glory.
Celebrate as You Mourn
Jim’s celebration of life service was a time of great joy. We laughed. We enjoyed. We celebrated a life well-lived. I rejoice that my husband is free from chronic disease. Removing his insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor and saying, “Baby, you don’t need these anymore because you’re well,” was a very good part of an awful experience.
The first responder, who held my hands and prayed for me after he confirmed my husband was deceased, ministered to me in a moment when my world tilted.
You, too, will find moments of celebration in your hard journey, if you look for and recognize them. Your momentum may be slow, but you will recover and resume forward motion, even when it is very difficult. The devastation you experience now will give way to lighter moments, like the dawning of a new, sun-filled day. Expect brighter days ahead and hold on to hope.
“My friends, we want you to understand how it will be for those followers who have already died. Then you won’t grieve over them and be like people who don’t have any hope. We believe Jesus died and was raised to life. We also believe that when God brings Jesus back again, he will bring with him all who had faith in Jesus before they died” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 ESV).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is a writer, blogger, speaker, and freelance editor. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotionals published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
To receive Candy’s blog, Forward Motion, via email, go to https://candyarrington.com/blog/ and scroll to the bottom of the page to sign up.
27 Comments
Thank you Candy, We love and are praying for you.
Thank you so much for being at Jim’s service and for your prayers. I love y’all!
What a beautiful, Spirit-filled post.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
And so grateful for the gifts God has given you and the way you are using them to share hope in the midst of grief.
Prayers for you and your family as you navigate the days ahead.
Janey, thank you!
A beautiful piece on the beginnings of grief! What a gift God has given to you to write!! Thank you for sharing!!
Love, Pam
Thanks, Pam
Thank you!
Candy, what a beautiful commemoration to Jim and your family. You are a courageous and loved friend. Praying for the days ahead and for God to be with you. We’re all blessed with this sweet reminder to cherish those we love – now.
Thank you, DiAnn!
Candy, my heart aches for you as I understand what you must feel. Your words are poetry to my ears. I pray that in the days, months, and years to come, you will find your new normal, new chapters, and new you.
Along with that prayer must be action. It’s good to receive prayer, but showing that which has been prayed for goes a long way towards healing.
For all the people who know you, and read my comments, I’m asking you to be God’s hands of tangible love. Surround her with your presence, with words spoken or silent. ❤️
Clarise, thank you!
Candy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey. Your words will help others.
Melissa, I appreciate your prayers!
So sorry, Candy. I’m praying for you in the days ahead. Love you, my friend.
Lynette
Thank you, Lynette. I appreciate your prayers and I expect a big hug when you return from touring!
Candy, I will pray for you and your family. Your words give us a glimpse of the wonderful man your husband was and the beautiful life you shared together.
Thank you, Lee Ann. I’m going to miss Jim so much, but I believe God was gracious to him in taking him home now before chronic illness did more damage. I so much appreciate your prayers. I feel the prayers of so many, and am leaning on the Everlasting Arms.
Candy, I’m so sorry for your loss. My sister went through the sudden passing of her husband a year ago. God has sustained her and given her great peace, despite missing her husband every day. May His sweet presence envelop you. What a beautiful reminder of what to cherish and what to release.
Thank you, Debbie. Blessing to you and your sister.
Well done, good and faithful servant. God uses everything for the good of us all and through your grief, I see you allowing Him to shine His love and peace through the dark days of grief. Whenever I think of you and pray for you, I keep hearing in my spirit the words of 1 Corinthians 13:8 “Love never ends.” I’m leaning with you. With love.
Dear Chris, you are a precious friend! Your prayers mean so much to me. Thank you for leaning with me. Love, Candy
Candy, I am sad that you have to go through this, but rejoice that you know where Jim is—safe and well with his Savior. I saw about your husband in the AWSA group thread. Your words in this post touched me more than you can imagine. I have Multiple Myeloma, and I know that someday I will likely leave my husband behind as I go to heaven. I am preparing a book for him with helpful information, letters for important dates, etc. I think I will include some of your thoughts in that book. Let me pray for you — “Father God, I ask you to continue to make Your presence sweet for Candy, and to carry her during this time of grief and bittersweet memories. Continue to surround her with caring, supportive friends and family. Give her wisdom and insight for moving forward in every area of life: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. Continue to give her messages from her heart and Your Word to a world desperately needing hope. I thank you that we are sisters because of Jesus, and that I can pray for her today.” Amen.
Oh Dawn! I am so glad to see your post. I prayed for you a long time after your diagnosis and then lost track of you. Thank you so much for your words and for your sweet prayer. Be encouraged. I have two friends with multiple myeloma, who have been living with the disease for years. Praying for continued advancements in research so you and your husband can enjoy many more years together.
Love and blessings, Candy
Oh how beautifully you said what I feel in my heart about becoming a widow Candy. Jim left you and walked to home in Heaven. You were so right about he no longer needs any medication or help. He is made perfectly whole and strong. I remember when my David passed on I said no more shots of chemo or struggles for breath. That was my first thoughts as he left my arms to walk into Glory whole and strong.
You have the amazing strength that the Lord provides those that love Him. It’s perfect peace to those who hope in The Lord.
Praying for you to continue knowing you inspire others to stand strong.
Love and prayers
Mildred, thank you. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father, who provides peace, strength, and comfort in hard days of loss. Love you, sweet friend!
Dear Candy, thank you for sharing your tender yet directive heart in the midst of your devastation. We, as fellow writers, too often share this block wall that abruptly stops the progression of our lives without warning. Your wisdom of leaning into God’s arms is encouraging and comforting. God bless you.
Sherri, thank you for your words and for taking time to comment. God bless.