Each year, with the approach of Father’s Day, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of a good father. I was 34 when Daddy died, and that felt much too soon. There was still so much I wanted to learn from him. Daddy was wise and taught by example.
Because my children were young, I subconsciously delayed grief, to some extent. Later, after Mama died, and again, after Jim’s death, I experienced intense grief for my father. At times, I felt guilty for missing Daddy so much instead of grieving the more immediate loss. However, grief multiplies like that—you grieve the most recent loss, but also, ache for those who departed from your life long ago.
Grief isn’t always related to death. Sometimes, you grieve unresolved conflict, hurts that never healed, or what you didn’t get to experience, that which was cut short by circumstances beyond your control.
The Absent Father
I am aware that not everyone had a good father. I also know some never knew their father. And then there are those who had the physical presence of a father, yet one who was emotionally absent. Any of these scenarios cloud traditional views of a father, as well as skewing perception of the Heavenly Father.
I hurt for those who did not experience the love, compassion, care, and teachings of a good father. Their loss makes it more difficult to navigate life and often taints self-image.
The Present Father
I am grateful my memories of Daddy are pleasant. He was funny and kind, but also stern when necessary. Daddy’s words and actions never contradicted his teachings. I’m thankful for that consistency.
The present father gives fully of himself. His mind isn’t visibly elsewhere while he interacts with his children. The present father listens and hears, teaching with patience and kindness. A good father encourages growth and forward motion. He doesn’t mete out harsh, yet inconsistent, discipline. Like God, the present, good father allows second chances.
The Heavenly Father
Daddy was a builder and often taught me lessons related to building. I learned the importance of sturdy foundations in life and faith. Anchoring on a strong spiritual foundation sustains me through the storms of life. Daddy also taught the importance of honesty and integrity and many other life lessons that have served me well.
Regardless of the kind of father you had, God, our Heavenly Father, is our best example of a good father, one filled with compassion, grace, love, kindness, and faithfulness. Many don’t view God this way. They see Him as One who waits for us to mess up and then pours unrelenting retribution and anger on the sinner.
If anything stays with you from this post, let it be a new perception of God, that of a Loving Father who is for you. He wants you to know Him and trust Him. The Heavenly Father desires a relationship with you, one that showers you with blessings. God is a good, good father.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 AMP).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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