Photo by Jessie Modlin Photography
The last month involved a series of events, preparations, celebrations, ballgames, gatherings, and travel. All good, but also a little exhausting.
It took me a while to realize the exhaustion was emotional as well as physical. Amid times of fun, joy, and celebration, an element of sadness lurked at the periphery.
When I looked at family photos, my old “friend,” grief, bubbled to the surface. The empty space beside me in all the pictures seemed more evident than before. Jim was missing from the picture, and our lives, and a fresh wave of grief crashed over me like an incoming high tide.
The Grief Redo
Grief hits refresh when you wish it wouldn’t. A few days after a beautiful celebration, I woke to an avalanche of tears. It was one of those messy, sobby events when you try to recover, but end up holding a tissue to your leaking eyes and sucking it into your mouth when you try to breathe.
Why am I crying? came the inevitable question. All is good. But, then I knew the tears were for the missing one in the picture.
The Continuing New Normal
I remember the first time I heard the phrase “new normal” after a death. An extended family member had just suffered the loss of a child. She said, “I’m learning to accept my new normal.”
As I continue to navigate my new normal, I’m learning grief may always be part of it. After loss, life continues, like a slow-moving river, flowing, carving out a new path. Grief doesn’t cast a daily shadow, but it lurks, and occasionally pounces. Grief in the new normal is doable, although not always welcome. New normal grief is like a passing pain that stabs and then recedes.
The Ever-Present Helper
So how do you sustain forward motion when you once again feel the emptiness of the one missing from the picture? Focus on God’s goodness, compassion, comfort, and faithfulness. Each day is an opportunity to draw close to Him, experience His sustaining power and presence, and move forward by His grace.
With God’s help, you can do this new normal, this grief redo, this renewed missing. Allow God to fill the hole left by the one missing in your life’s picture. Then, look for ways you can encourage those who are dealing with fresh or lingering grief.
“All praise goes to God, Father of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. He is the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 VOICE).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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