I thought I was doing well with grief until January rolled around and sent me into a tailspin. With the new year came a resurgence of grief. After two years, I didn’t expect it, this spiral into missing, wishing, and remembering. All the emotions I felt two years ago resurfaced. Along with sadness came vivid dreams, loneliness, and the desire to withdraw from life.
I found myself reliving the past and sinking into hibernation mode. Grief brain, the confusion and forgetfulness associated with a significant loss, became my constant companion again. And then, last week, without warning, I lost my lemons.
Yes, I know, you’re thinking she’s losing her marbles, and maybe I am, but instead, I think it’s just unpredictable grief messing with me again. But I did, indeed, lose my lemons. I went to the store for a few things, including lemons, prior to impending “treacherous” winter weather.
When I unloaded my groceries, my lemons were missing. A call to the store, and a customer service person’s search of U-scan and carts revealed no lemons. The mystery of the missing lemons will likely never be solved.
Following are a few thoughts (hopefully I can string a few thoughts together) on renewed grief:
Accept Grief’s Slowness
This month, I’ve been reminded of something I already knew—grief is a slow process. Grief does not advance in a timely manner, nor is the time frame of grief orderly or sensible. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions, ups and downs, forward and reverse. Grief marches at a turtle’s pace, lingers, hides, then pounces, ebbs and flows. And just when you think you’ve regained forward motion, grief runs you into a brick wall.
Just when you think you’ve regained forward motion, grief runs you into a brick wall.
Forgetfulness is Part of the Process
Grief is emotionally and mentally taxing. Although usually under the surface, this big thing, this life loss, is churning and clouding your mind. Grief brain is disturbing. You believe yourself to be mentally capable until you do something stupid, and then do it again.
Losing my lemons was not the first dumb thing I’ve done this month. I threw away my pill cup with the pills still in it. I left my keys in the house twice and couldn’t figure out why my car’s push button starter didn’t work. I fixed a tumbler of water for a trip to North Carolina and left it on the kitchen table. Boo, hiss, grief brain—leave me alone!
Give Thanks for Periods of Grief Relief
Thankfully, as you process grief, you begin to experience periods of relief. You laugh along with the tears, learn to go places by yourself without feeling super awkward, and redefine who you are. Grief relief reveals itself in periods of joy and the acceptance of a new normal.
Seek Peace
The greatest blessing in seasons of grief is God-given peace and the hope that comes with it. Without it, I couldn’t move forward. Peace comes when scripture speaks to me in a new way, a sermon feels as if it directly addresses a current struggle, or the words of every song sung in church encircle my heart and produce gratitude for God’s unending faithfulness.
Are you dealing with grief and the uncertainty that goes with it? Perhaps your grief isn’t related to a person, but a job, a way of life, a decline in health, or some other type of loss. Accept grief’s slowness, its process. Rejoice in periods of grief relief and seek God-given peace as you traverse this unwanted path.
“O my soul, don’t be discouraged. Don’t be upset. Expect God to act! For I know that I shall again have plenty of reasons to praise him for all that he will do. He is my help! He is my God!” (Psalm 42:11 LB)
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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