Any time you face something unknown, something you’ve never experienced before, you have expectations, whether good or bad.
What I expected prior to knee replacement surgery was lots of pain and a slow recovery. In actuality, the pain was much less than I imagined and the recovery much more rapid.
Have you had great expectations for something or someone and been disappointed? We all have mental images of what we anticipate for current and future events, others, and ourselves.
Following are some reasons why expectations color reality:
Expectations Paint an Unrealistic Picture
Travel brochures and websites paint idealistic pictures of beautiful vistas, scrumptious food, and relaxing vacation destinations. Magazines showcase perfect homes, beautiful people, and enviable lives. But reality is often less wonderful. Real life includes complicated problems that aren’t always easily resolved.
Advertising is designed to make you want what you don’t have. Often, the idea of “you deserve it” or “you are worth it” is couched within the message. Before long, your expectations exceed reality.
While setting and working toward achieving goals motivates us to move forward, be aware that reality isn’t always as smooth, or easy, as expectations paint it. Set goals that are attainable and then rejoice when reality exceeds your expectations.
Expectations Discount Human Weaknesses
What we expect of others is influenced by what we expect of ourselves. If you value honesty, you expect honesty in others. If you are organized and regimented, you assume others will be also. But people have unique personalities, grow up in different environments, and place value on diverse things.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. Expecting others to be like you, or possess strengths in areas you don’t, has an impact on how you view reality. In both business and personal relationships, your expectations of others, and yourself, create conflict and disappointment. Because we are all human and fallible, others aren’t always going to do, or be, what we expect. Realizing this helps you extend grace to others, and to yourself.
Expectations Discount the Inevitable Monkey Wrench
The dictionary defines “monkey wrench” as a tool with one fixed and one adjustable jaw at right angles to a straight handle. The secondary definition is anything that disrupts. The second applies when it comes to expectations and reality.
When you think something is likely to happen, for example, you expect to get a raise or promotion, but it doesn’t happen, your expectation has been disrupted. Perhaps your boss indicated repeatedly that you were next in line for a promotion. You know you have the skills to do the job well, and, in fact, have been doing most of the job already, and then top management decides to hire “out house.” You have just been “monkey-wrenched.”
Expectations, especially when they are logical and seem guaranteed, rarely include the idea that something could change what seems inevitable. But when expectation and reality collide in this manner, remember, you don’t know all the thought processes and variables behind decisions. Your expectations are the handle of the monkey wrench, while someone else is in control of the adjustable side of the right-angle jaw.
Regaining forward motion after your expectations have been “monkey-wrenched” takes intentionality. Many times, moving ahead after what you envision doesn’t happen requires forgiveness instead of anger.
Restrain your response to unmet expectations. Especially avoid expressing your disappointment and frustration on social media. Take time to think, journal, and pray. And then move forward with realistic expectations, calmness, and wisdom.
“My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him” (Psalm 62:5 AMPC).
©CandyArrington
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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